I want you to know

Sometimes I feel like everything around me disappears. When I am watching or reading psychological thrillers or dark stuff, I feel like I am one of them with all the darkness around me. The fictional world becomes my reality. I sure as hell start using their vernacular and accent, also in my head. But its not just that. I am aware that I am not living one of the character's life. It is more like I am suddenly  more aware to the gnawing emptiness in me. A feeling that keeps me rooted to inaction. Its like in that moment, I'd rather want my life to just drag on than me being in charge. I would do and  accept anything that will immediately occupy my mind and not let rationality in. Its like I am starving for mental distraction, to not think consciously and not come out of the trance. I will continue watching one series after another. I will keep reading that book which I know is trouble but before I think it is too much and actually muster the courage to stop, my mind has already

One of the perks of reading self-help books is you already know a lot of motivational pep-talk people give you when you face a loss. I know it happens to everyone!  I know it is a part of life! I know everyone has to die someday, even I will cease to exist! I know! So? Does that make my pain less hurtful? Well, it doesn't :)   You want to know what else I know? I know that this is a world of maya and that death is freedom.  Imagine you are trapped in a game where you get innumerable lives. To exit the game , you have to reach your goal but you don't know what that goal is. So you keep playing, overcoming every hurdle that comes your way thinking this might be the ultimate goal. You keep playing trying to find your ultimate purpose that will end the game. And you die in the game only to find out that the game has started again and you have to do it all over again. And this goes on repeat. Wouldn't you get tired?  I believe it is the same for our soul. It is trapped in a body

 I am a middle-class graduate whose college was about doing something for sustenance. I have a boring life. I haven't travelled. I don't take risks. I don't have many experiences. I live a comfortable standard life with practical decisions that should ensure food on my plate few years down the line.  But I dream all the time (with eyes open and closed ). And how do I live it?  By reading fiction. Through these fiction stories, I have lived many lives. I have felt the rush of a banker whose millions were at a stake on a timely decision. I have felt the adrenaline of a detective who had to fake-date a serial killer.I have loved a man on a wheelchair and mourned his death. I have seen a one-legged cancer virgin boy through the eyes of a cancer girl. I have craved the warmth of a touch being a CFer. I have been in a toxic relationship and learned to learn myself. I have loved a boy who lost his mom to cancer and got abandoned by his father at 13. I have been a prisoner waiting

Toast to the ones here today Toast to the the ones that we lost on the way Death Die These words have flowed out of my mouth easily in past. Now? I hesitate. I have believed that the worst part about dying is not being remembered by the ones you loved. Now I wonder, lesser the casualties, the better, isn't it? I blame Hazel Grace Lancaster for putting these thoughts in my mind. Wouldn't I want less people to be hurt by my soul leaving the body? Wouldn't I want my loved ones to be happy after me? Would I want them to be crying after me? So I guess the question is can you think of them without hurting yourself and other survivors. Strictly speaking, I want less people to be hurt over me after me. But I believe the worst thing I can do to my not-alive-loved-one would be to not think of him and forget him. So I say there are ways of thinking of them and missing them without hurt and you must do that.  I have known for a long time that funerals are for the living. Now I understa

 You know why you should read books , a lot of them? When you have read a lot of books, you somehow stumble upon the book you need at the time. You stumble upon the right excerpt from a book at the right time. You somehow read the thing that you didn't know you needed but that helps you or you just recollect something you had read long back in a book that helps you now. I am going through a traumatic experience and I just start shuffling my books in the rack, and smell books randomly and at the start of a book, I noticed I had scribbled a page number so I flip to that page and find that it is a ' Letter to the Thinking Brain' talking about the Feeling brain. As I kept reading, I realized that it was what I needed to hear. I started feeling better and I understood what I needed to do next, I found few ways to cope.  So guys, read! You can't imagine how that helps. Things you read in a book pop up when you need them and if you have read a lot, you learn to identify those

                                   How often have you called someone a genius? Too big a title huh? I am not saying that it is wrong, I am just saying it is putting too much weight on fragile human shoulder. Cambridge dictionary defines genius as very great and rare natural ability or skill, especially in a particular area such as science or art, or a person who has this. Merriam Webster defines as an attendant spirit of a person or place. Commonly defined as a person who is exceptionally intelligent or creative. The definition I find peculiarly interesting is given on Wikipedia, In Roman religion, the genius is the individual instance of a general divine nature that is present in every individual person, place, or thing. Much like a guardian angel, the genius would follow each man from the hour of his birth until the day he died.  The genius for each female was a Juno and for male, a Jupiter. They believed genius to be a mystical creature. This definition separates man from his genius